Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
I put my head between my legs and lean forward.....thats how I roll
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
When life hands you lemons it should only remind you to buy more tequila, life is as simple as that.
Wife fell asleep on the couch so I drew a spider on her glasses with dry erase marker. And now we wait...
I have reliable inside information about Apple`s next product. I will not be able to afford it.
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
I hate when I oversleep at work and get home late.
The boss said I should let my creative juices flow. What he doesn’t know is that my creative juices are vodka and cranberry.
What is it about a car that makes people think we can`t see them pick their nose?
Today I saw a girl with the word "Anel" on her butt. I was like, woah..it`s supposed to say "Anal"..it`s spelled wrong then I realized it was supposed to say "Angel". The G was stuck in her a$$crack
Life is basically just a constant effort to not be disgusting.