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I wish I had a dollar for every time I didn`t have a dollar.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI
This cat poop tastes like I`m about to get yelled at -Dogs
Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to her first guess.
justin bieber
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any d!ck pics
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.
Anybody wanna go halfsies on an orgasm?
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
I really don`t get Astrology but I just hope my daughter stays a Virgo until she`s at least 18.
Is there any way to really know how many camouflage shirts are in your house?
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.
I don`t think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.