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I will not be satisfied until I see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
I don’t have a problem with caffeine.I have a problem without caffeine.
I swear Mosquitos have a chart of the human body they study before they leave their nest...They seem to always bite on the worst possible places.. It`s like they huddle up and make a plan: "Ok Sally, you take the toe knuckles.. Betty, you get the crack behind the knee, Mary, you take the ankles, and I`ll take the finger knuckles..Ready? Break!"
Times change When I was a kid, werewolves and vampires were very scary. Now everyone wants to have sex with them
Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I`d say it`s been a success.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We`ll see about that.
I’m not stupid. I’m just too lazy to show how smart I am.
I took my family to Sea World this weekend, but i wasnt allowed in. Apparently you cant take your fishing rod.
If I’ve learned anything from Game of Thrones it’s that I need a wolf.
YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!
I won $20 by not playing the lottery last night!
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
Never argue with someone who knows fancier words than you. Like `responsibility`