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I`m not mature enough to be in a yoga class.
Laundry is like sex in reverse: you drop in a load, everything gets wet, then rolls around and ends up dry and neatly folded.
I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
Tomorrow the world shall be ours! Until then, good night my evil minions!!
Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
If you like to listen to music while having sex, listen to a live album. That way you will get an applause every 3-4 minutes.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny and thin. It`s a public service really.
When I`m in an elevator with a stranger I generally hold their hand to let them know that they`re safe
Why can`t Miss Piggy count to 100? Cuz` when she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat!
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
My goal in life: Build a time machine and travel forward into the future until I can stop and ask someone "Do you know what `buffering` is?" and they are clueless.
hell yeah !!!! i was the lucky sperm !!!!!