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The only thing I`m really learning from this 401K meeting at work this morning is that I`ll probably never be able to retire.
I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
Another day where I`m not skinny, rich or famous. Getting real tired of this sh*t.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
Why isn`t there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
When you buy Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, it`s like you are paying for all the free candy you got when you were a kid.
I look so young for my rage.
I don`t have dirty mind ...I just hav a sexy imagination. ..
It`s damn funny when a wife think`s she`s punishing her husband by not talking to him for days..
How does anything ever get done at the bubble wrap factory?
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
I like staying up insanely late but I also like getting 12 hours of sleep. See my dilemma?
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!
If someone invites you to their wedding, it`s apparently bad form to say "Sorry I can`t make it but I`ll come to your next one".