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Everyone around me keeps telling me I`m mean ... Which is absurd ... Plus, they`re ugly.
I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your house. Those bastads live forever.
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I`d say it`s been a success.
If anyone every texts me “who is this” I always respond “Jake from state farm”
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
It must be really hard to judge wet t-shirt contests. I saw one recently, and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
You are living proof that the Lord is testing me.
My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
Admit it. When you go to the zoo, the first thing you look at is the Camel`s foot.
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
That`s it!! I`m never drinking again until tomorrow.
When I say "Have a nice day." Remember the f*cker on the end is silent.