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They should start selling Photoshop CD`s at cosmetic shops.
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
"Dancing with the Stars" is being canceled, but tune in to a new reality show by the same creators called, "Athletes do your Taxes."
Hmmmm what should I buy myself for Valentines day.
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
My next pet is going to be named "Peeve."
Although the voices aren`t real, they have some pretty good ideas.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she`s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
The first thing I do when I get a telemarketer call is say "Let`s go off script. What are you wearing?"
I’ve been really depressed these past few days. Finally visited a therapist and got diagnosed. Turns out, I’m poor.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best looking guy in the world, but.... Oh, hell. Now I`m depressed.
Walmart has their new Savings Catcher app... I`m thinking savings isn`t the only thing you will catch ...
Stop undressing me with your eyes!...Use your teeth!