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I never get nervous or embarrassed. That`s just some sh*t that sober people who leave the house have to worry about.
I like it like that
I`m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You`re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what`s going on here.
When I was growing up the TV was my nanny.
If I ever get real rich, I hope I`m not mean to poor people, like I am now.
If my girl didn`t want me to wear her new Christmas thong, she shouldn`t have said she bought it "for me." Women are confusing.
I’ll need a weekend to recover from this weekend.
If I’m not eating I’m most likely not happy.
A wise man once told me `Never sleep with your a$$ itching.. You`ll wake up with smelly fingers`
My grocery cart right now says ” I’m getting drunk and doing laundry tonight!” And also. “I like fruit.”
Being single is the worst sh!t ever. Being in a relationship is a close second.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.
First you told me to be myself now you`re telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind woman!
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch
"Oh!Look The Smurfs Grew Up!"Grandma those are Avatars." -_-