Daily Silly Status

I`m not sure what post it was that caused me to lose 2 more Facebook friends today, but if I find out which one it was I will make sure to post it again....

When listening to skinny girls talk about losing weight it`s perfectly reasonable to battle cry then karate chop their tiny stomach`s.

363 shopping days `til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.

Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.

I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.

Every parent’s superpower is the ability to communicate “I love you!” and “I will kill you!” with a single look.

That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.

Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.

I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone

My daughter asked me why I carry a gun inside the house. I told her I was scared of the CIA. She laughed. I laughed. Amazon Echo laughed.

I`ve decided that from now on I`m going to answer every question like a presidential candidate. It`s kind of fun... "Dean, what are you doing this weekend?" "That`s a great question -- and an important one. And I WILL do something this weekend. But let me take a step back, and answer a broader question. What are we ALL doing this weekend? As a nation? As a world? This weekend, I will do something comprehensive and robust, yet fun. We all should." "But what are you doing?" "What I`m g

My mom told me to follow my dreams. So I took a nap.

The best time to re-examine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.

Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.

I always thought I looked like romeo, until I washed the picture off my mirror...