Daily Silly Status

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish my ex wife would die ... That`s as far as I got.

How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face

I think I`m gonna take a hot shower. Its like a normal shower, but with me in it.

I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a

"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.

I wonder what my dog has named me?

Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.

I slept like a rock last night, meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.

Can someone make a voodoo doll of me and send it off to the gym?

When I see a cute couple making out I yell, ” I knew you’re seeing somebody else!” and run crying.

I`d have better people skills if I worked with better people.

The easiest way to escape a conversation is to interrupt the other person and say "this conversation is going great" every few seconds

I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .

On the bottle of mouthwash it says "24 hour protection", so why do the directions say "Use Twice Daily"?

You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.