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therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.
I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
It`s a good thing farting isn`t as contagious as yawning.
I stick pins and needles in the people I don`t like because can`t afford voodoo dolls.
Just been informed that my spirit animal is Eeyore.
If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex wife to be with me. That would be the longest 3 months of my life.
Did you know: Your life expectancy decreases every time you ... PISS ME OFF
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
When people tell me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep in til noon, because I’m a problem solver.
Don`t hate me because I`m beautiful. Hate me because your man thinks I am.
I`m going to start tackling random guys in football jerseys saying "look how he`s dressed. He was asking for it!"
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.