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Try sliding down a water slide without running water to realize how important foreplay is
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
Honk if you are reading this.
I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone.
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advise.
There really isn`t much difference between being a kid and being an adult. I was just as emotionally crippled upon learning the truth about Penthouse Letters as I was about Santa Claus.
My whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the sarcastic comment.
I never talk to myself......But I do have some candid conversations with the other personalities!
I have Beer.
The Never Ending Story should`ve been a movie about a phone call from my Mother
Life is so unfair, why do we always want what we don`t have? For example, right now I want tacos
Can I apologize in advance for basically everything I will ever do???
"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.
Technically, every picture is a before picture.