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There are no winners the day following a green beer, corned beef, and cabbage binge.
I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
Does lying face down on this carpet make me look unsociable?
"Hey! Aren`t you that guy from the village people?" - Me, to every cop who pulls me over
Just came to the realization that with their ridiculous fees, I`m tipping my ATM more than my bartender.
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
I’ve watched “Aladdin” like 25 times with my kids, so I know quite a bit about politics in the Middle East.
Get real. No one’s going to form a single line if the building’s on FIRE.
How to tell if your wife is mad at you - Step 1. She is
It`s so expensive being a woman. I know because I have financed a few.
Yes, Facebook says we`re `friends` but, trust me, I wouldn`t hesitate to punch you in the face.
I need a job that pays at least 10,000 dollars an hour.
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.
Arguing in sign language must be a workout.