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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
Marriage (Possible side effects may include sadness, anger, sudden drop in finances, depression, sexual abstinence, and sobriety)
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never aging is wearing the same clothes every day.
I stamp my hand on Saturday morning so it looks like I went out on Friday night.
Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat.
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
My life has a surprising lack of dance battles.
People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you`re watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
Watch out! It’s quite possible some of my best mistakes haven’t been made yet.
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
If it`s any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day.
The most frightening thing about nightmares is realizing that they were created by your mind.
The ultimate home security system is just having crappy stuff.
Aaron Hernandez`s next jersey is going to be a jailhouse jumpsuit!