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I wear a cape when I`m driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I`m going somewhere to fight crime.
Now accepting applications for partners in crime. Please read all fine print:adult language and partial nudity may be required.
My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it`s there to stab potential taco thieves.
I`m actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.
I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I`m looking for a new personal trainer, the last one didn`t work out
What if in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar…and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
I`m sorry if I looked interested. You probably caught me fantasizing about bacon.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead but other people do. The same is true when you are stupid.
I found a real money maker in selling homing pigeons....... So far this month I sold mine 4 times.
The way to win the lottery is to choose the correct numbers in the correct sequence before they are announced. (You’re welcome)
I just want to be as thin as my patience.
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…