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I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
Whenever I`m on the phone with someone I like to scream "WAIT DON`T HANG UP" right as they`re hanging up & then not answer when they call back.
Momma left strict instructions to knock you out.
As a community service, I send random inmates letters how my life is going to cheer them up.
Iām going to start telling girls that Iām available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my phone. 1. I don`t have a girlfriend.
I just sprayed Citrus Fabreeze in my bathroom... Now it smells like Sh*trus
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
They say that money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.
I never thought I`d be the kind of person who`d wake up early in the morning to exercise ... And I was right.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads.
For some reason I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks