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"I like tube tops too, but even tires have pressure limits!
Someone should use screen recording software to record an entire day’s worth of working on spreadsheets and post it to YouTube so that I can play it full screen and pretend like I’m working.
Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.
Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor’s WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I’m the victim here!!
"Karate" is an old Japanese word that means, "My kid can`t hit a baseball."
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
I like my women like I like my motorcycles. Not ridden by all my friends.
This patience thing takes forever.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
There`s nothing like hearing the laughter of a baby. Unless it`s 1AM and you`re home alone.
Proposing to a woman isn`t like choosing a life-long business partner. It`s more like hiring your own boss.
Saying a prayer for all the turkeys today. Also the single people with concerned relatives.
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
Dating Tip: Find a partner with a compatible phone charger.