Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.
When the cashier asks "How`s your day going?" I reply "I`m buying 3 bottles of wine, it`s clearly only getting better."
I put "extremely organized" on my resume and I don`t even remember what folder I saved it in..
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
Dating Tip: If she hasn`t kissed you by the third date, she`s there for the food.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....
Don`t get into a relationship with someone unless they love you as much as Kim Kardashian loves Kim Kardashian.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head.
The roof of the McDonalds in my town has 38 Pickle slices on it from times I ordered sh!t without pickles in it.
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.
There`s no way that whatever mothballs prevent is worse than the smell of mothballs.
You`re right. I don`t have a clue. I`ve never had a clue. It`s part of my charm and it seems to be working for me.