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Decaf only works if you throw it on people.
if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
I thought I was on the cash cab show! But turns out I was in a police car and cops hate trivia.
when i have children im going to make them watch 2012 and tell them i survived all of that.
Just finished my first book yesterday. 450 pages. Man, that was a lot of coloring...
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you’re working.
Anything is possible with the right attitude and a sledgehammer
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
The feeling you get when a woman asks you to guess her age is like wondering whether to cut the blue wire or the green wire when defusing a bomb.
Can I just drop it like it’s luke warm? It’s been a long day and I’m tired.
The weather is so nice. I think I’ll go outside and watch other people run.