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feels like getting some work done ... so I am sitting down until the feeling passes.
FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.
If I had a time machine, I would just keep going back to bed.
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ”K” instead of ”OK”?
If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It`s the button on the left!"
Self-Checkout lanes were invented by a guy who was sent out to buy tampons.
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
Save the US Postal Service. Have the Jehovah Witness and Mormons deliver the mail.
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
Friends are like slinkys, they are twisted as heck but you can`t help but laugh when they fall down the stairs.
I may not have any friends but at least I know my cat will never ask me to help him move
I will never miss you, because I`m a really good shooter.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.