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I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
Explain to me the down side of being under house arrest.
Boss: Why aren`t you working? Me: I didn`t see you coming!
Tonight`s good mood is sponsored by ... Beer!!
It’s amazing how much more money I have when I’m drunk.
You know its a bad day when your fat pants are tight :(
The nice thing about being a guy is your underwear only costs $10 for a 3-pack.
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent`s dry cleaner.
If you see me smiling in public it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
I saw a man at the beach screaming, "Help, shark, help!" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn`t going to help him.
My advise to all the young people out there, "Do not grow up; it`s a trap!!"
I was just watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury.. No worries, I should be okay in a couple of days..
Yo fellas, how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.