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Sometimes all you need is $100,000
I need a hug right now also five hundred thousand dollars in cash.
Whenever I move into a new neighborhood, the first thing I familiarize myself with is the liquor store coz you know priorities.
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
Why are people with BAD breath always wanting to tell me a secret?
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
Another tragedy today in the music industry.....Justin Beiber was just found alive in his apartment. :(
Anyone know where I can get a waterproof recliner for my shower?
Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye after you hit send.
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
My car rides usually consist of playing my music on random, then pressing “next” about 400 times.
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you`re attrative, it`s flirting.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true!
Her: Do you want to run away with me? ME: We won`t actually be running, right?