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Life is very funny, if you take the time to watch it.
Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
twinkle twinkle little star ... point me to the nearest bar.
I put on my pants like everyone else. Right after the security guard in Target says "Sir, we`re going to have to ask you to leave."
I heard an ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" But then, I can`t drive a bus..
A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I am dragging a body should be entirely irrelevant.
Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
You`ve got to be twins. You`re too stupid to be one person.
My neighbours diary say`s I have boundary issues.
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
Every time I start to feel happy I remember the shingles virus is already inside me.
If you don`t leave a buffet looking like someone told you bad news you didn`t get your money`s worth.
They say that money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.
If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis
Do you like the strong, silent type? Then you`ll love my farts.