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Do you think they still give out chips in Gambler`s Anonymous?
Dumped my multiple personality girlfriend yesterday. She took it well, not so well, and she was really upset...
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
Don`t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you`re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
“Single and ready to mingle” is the fancy way of saying “Alone and desperate”
My New Years resolution is always don’t die. So far so good.
Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
I`m gonna name my son Wussell so people think he has a speech impediment.
I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.
It seems like the ‘L’ in my luck has been replaced with an ‘F’.
If you cry loudly enough, your boss will usually let you go home.
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!
The problem with drinking with people from work is they`re the ones I bitch about when I`m drunk.