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It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them......the police call it indecent exposure but whatever.
Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
We live in a world in where it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract
Gatorade always has athletes in their commercials sweating and working hard. They really should target their real consumer. A Fat guy on the couch nursing a hangover. Is it in you?
Math questions are so stupid! They’re like “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what do I have?” Oh I dunno, a drinking problem maybe?
I wonder what it feels like to be wrong.
If women ruled the world, There would be no wars. just a bunch of counties not talking to each other!
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
One of my female friend is reading a book called "Learn to drive in a week" for the last 3 years.
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
My phone just filmed a 6 hour documentary about life inside my pocket
If you’ve gauged huge holes in your ears and don’t keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point man?
We have cars that park themselves but I still gotta wave my hand 15 times before a paper towel comes out the dispenser
So, All my exes live in Texas; Exactly, how does one go about scheduling a tornado ?