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I’m a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity.
Your eyes are so beautiful. If you look deep enough i can see my own reflection...
She might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty`s only a light switch away.
watching porn is like finding happiness in other enjoyment.....
I like telling people to "grow up" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say "Took my advice I see"
I thought I`d try yoga to make myself more flexible, but I`m still incredibly stubborn.
It’s hard to tell if I’m dealing really well with life these days or if I just don’t give a sh!t.
Just saw a cop that had a U-Haul pulled over on the side of the road. Obviously he was trying to bust a move.
Any woman can make you a Millionaire.. You only have to be a Billionaire first.
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
It`s hard to be a good person when kids fit so perfectly into trash cans.
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
I wouldn`t mind all the penis enlargement emails if they weren`t coming from my wife.
I don`t get women. Also, I don`t understand them.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I was flattered.