Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why go out and pretend to like people when you have Netflix?
Never judge a man ’till you’ve driven a mile with his wife.
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you´re on.
You know it`s way past your bed time when the 1-800-dial-a-hoe commercials come on.
Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can`t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.
What if dreams are just glimpses of alternate universes?
Going to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me with that needle, I run off yelling `thanks for the free shave loser!`
I can read Spanish, Chinese, Russian and Italian. As long as it`s written in english.
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off, and you wonder why bad things happen to good people.
Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.
.Monday: No. Tuesday: Ugh. Wednesday: Why. Thursday: Omg. Friday: Finally. Saturday: Yes. Sunday: Crying.