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If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
This lady thinks repeatedly pushing the already-lit elevator button will summon it faster. I think I’ll push ALL the buttons when we get in.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don`t f*cking deserve string cheese.
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded.
She was rare, like an onion ring in french fries
I always try to behave but there are usually too many other options.
You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
My Life Alert bracelet says.....: I`m Just Napping
If you don`t like the way I drive then get off the hood of my car.
Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself
When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor’s trash so you don’t get robbed.
I don`t mean to brag... but I`m a pretty damn good peek-a-boo opponent