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Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
Women have all the answers, to all of your questions, and you don`t even have to ask.
I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up... In 30 minutes? in 3 hours? in 9 years?? no one can be sure
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don`t know how much I want. They don`t know my life. They don`t know what I`ve been through.
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
At Starbucks drive up window. Me: large iced chai please Them: you mean a venti? Me: large iced chai. Them: we call a large a venti. Me: Do you want a large tip or a venti tip? Them: large iced chai, please pull up.
I told everybody at work that I`ve got 18 cats just to make sure none of them ever want to come over for anything.
I just got a piece of mail that says "open immediately" but I`m gonna wait a few minutes.
And Jesus said, those footprints on the beach where two sets become one, that`s where I unfollowed you.
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.
Before you refer to someone as your ex, make sure they know you dated.
Would you like a push on that mood swing of yours?