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Your family tree has a couple of coconuts
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.
“Are you completely sure this isn’t textable?” -the perfect voicemail prompt.
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
Life`s too short for Salad..............
Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools.
Things that don`t kill spiders: 1: furniture polish 2: Febreze 3: butter 4: screaming
I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding. I drink wine in yoga pants.
I bet heroin addicts can open a Capri sun on the first try.
tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes
Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn`t.
Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger ... at least one of them anyway.
You think you have a tough job? I clean the windows on automatic doors.