Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I could only use one word to describe myself, it would probably be: "not good at following directions".
Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
When I arrive at work, how long can I spend screaming in my car before it becomes weird?
I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
There is literally no way of knowing how many chameleons are in your house.
When I`m older, I`m going to buy one of those Volkswagen Bugs. Only because I have a excuse to hit my wife every time we go somewhere.
Please no one tell me what happens on the NFL today; I`m still on Season 8.
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
Jack and Jill Went up the hill To have a little fun. Jill, the dill, Forgot her pill, And now they have a son.
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight ... Lie.
She texted me: "your adorable." I replied: "no, YOU`RE adorable." Now she likes me, but all I did was point out her typo.
A magic eraser, but for my bar tab.
I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.