Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
More food should come with prizes inside it.
If I’ve offended you, please accept my apology. Then smack yourself in the face for getting offended by something on the Internet.
When someone tells me I`m going to hell, I`m like "yeah, duh, I work there part time as a tour guide!"
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
If you like counting to three, you are going to love parenting.
More celebrities should donate blood. I mean, imagine having the blood of Will Smith running through your veins.
The smaller the town, the bigger the sex cult.
"If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun" ~ My son apparently
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I hope they let me back in Walmart.