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I just saw someone by themselves not looking at a phone. Hope they`re ok.
Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
I´m pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and I´ll let you know.
Does it count as saving someone`s life if you just refrain from killing them?
I bet when Hugh Hefner dies no one will say "He`s in a better place now."
I’m a proud supporter of messy hair and sweatpants.
You’re not an easy person to like….I like that about you.
In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I`m keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
Never judge a girl`s boob size by their jacket.
Going to write hasbro a nasty letter!!! The monopoly get out of jail free card doesn`t work...since I`m texting you can you come bail me out?
Vampire selfies are just phones floating in front of bathroom mirrors.
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.