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Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
I wish more people were fluent in silence.
Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old`s lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours.
I just ran butt a$$ naked through Walmart yelling "Stop that shoplifter! she got my clothes!"
I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
I hate it when teachers say, “You think it’s funny?” Obviously it is, if it wasn’t I wouldn’t be laughing
You have advice? For me? I have a $5 Starbucks gift card that`s older than you.
The only thing worse than a male chauvinistic pig is a woman that won’t do as she is told
I`m an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.
The last time I touched a breast, it was in a KFC bucket.
I guess at a job interview "firing you" is not an acceptable answer when asked where I see myself in a few years.
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
My home security system is just 15 motion-activated Big Mouth Billy Basses.
1) Second. 2) Minute. 3) Hour. 4) Day. 5) Week. 6) Month. 7) Year. 8) Decade. 9) Century. 10) Millennium. 11) Women buying clothes.