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Whatever I did to make you hate me, I’d like to know. I have other people I can use that on.
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
Your secret is safe with me as long as it`s boring.
Golf would be a lot more fun to watch on TV if the balls were on fire
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they`ll do nicely"
I`m for driverless cars, but honestly, having to drive is the only thing standing in the way of me being a complete drunk piece of sh!t 24/7
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their car keys.
She said she was stripping to feed her kids but then got pissed when I started throwing canned goods at her
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
I’m not a “stalker”. I want to make sure you’re okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard.
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"