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Sometimes, you can just tell it`s gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.
My home security system is a series of paintings with the eyes cut out.
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
People like you remind me how lucky I am that my cell phone provider has a block option! Just sayin.
If you are naughty go to your room, if you wanna be naughty go to mine :)
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
According to my iPhone Health app, I walked 1,787 steps around this Golden Corral buffet tonight .... So I got that going for me.
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans." All I hear is "there`s a bear out there that knows how to use matches."
Who`s more foolish, a fool or the person who takes a fool`s advice?
My therapist recommended I quit growling at people...
Some tattoo artists need to just say, "no, I`m not doing this sh!t."
And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.
Why is "Pissed" an expression of being upset? I`ve never been so mad that I pee`d myself.