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I accidentally wore green today. And I probably will be drunk later but NOT because it`s St. Patrick`s Day, because it`s Monday.
It`s not so much that I wanted to drink the whole bottle of wine, I just couldn`t figure out how to get the cork back in it.
Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
I hate it when I don`t forward a chain letter and I die the next day.
I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I`m sexy!" Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!
I think God created marriage so death wouldn`t come as such a disappointment.
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
When I think of a selfie, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of
I guess I need to buy some new drink coasters because I finally ran out of AOL free trial CDs.
Some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk & some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk.
facebook is the only book we read everyday.
Do you women realize how silly you all look with your clothes on?
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they have 45030194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 2:27PM on April 23rd 2008.
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!
Whoever said paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time that happens, I`m gonna throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.