Daily Silly Status

wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?

I spent an hour at Walmart last night.. I can now totally disprove evolution.. O_o

It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.

Just worked out, I will spend on average 7 years of my life in the bathroom. My wife will spend on average 6.9 years of her life knocking on the door saying " are you all right in there "

Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......

It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.

I love how in movies when someone types a really embarrassing secret they always accidentally send it to the whole school, and they also coincidentally have the phone number of everyone.

whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!

On your birthday I think the Airlines should let you exit the plane on the inflatable slide.

Sometimes it’s just better to buy new Tupperware than to risk opening the leftovers.

If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He`s got a gun!" and then you`ll look like a cool hero.

I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.

I thinking about how im disgusted by holding a gas pump but yet, I have no problem drinking my beer from a cup that ten other people drank out of, and a backwash covered ping pong ball was just thrown into it after hitting a dirty a$$ garage floor??

Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it`s not their own.

I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."