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One trenta cheeseburger please.
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
Person: You`re blocking the view. Me: B!tch, I am the view!
I avoid online dating sites because they match you up with people who share your interests. I don`t want to go out with a weirdo.
I don`t get enough credit for not going on killing sprees.
The existence of the `snooze` button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.
Every time I stop making bad decisions, I get more and more boring.
The best black Friday deal ... sleep - $0.
Today I learned that not all people like ventriloquists. Particularly my gynecologist.
Everytime someone says "Expect the unexpected" I like to punch them in the face and say "not as easy as it sounds, now is it?"
New rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I`m guaranteed at least one attempt on trying to trip you.
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.