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"Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
Geez. I make one little mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
Does anyone have the owner’s manual for a wife? Mine’s emitting a terrible whining noise.
I wouldn`t mind being alone with my thoughts, if I didn`t know them all so well.
Doctor says I`m morbidly a beast. Thanks doc.
Do crabs think we walk sideways?
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?
It`s too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common.
I don`t burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.
Why do people always feel safe under blankets...its not like a murderer will break in and be like "I`M GONNA KILL YAA__AAHHHhhhh dang he is under a blanket.
Your silent treatment should be accompanied by a disappearing act.
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
I’m jealous of a book character for having sex with another character but sure come ask my advice about your marriage.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up -- In 30 minutes? In 3 hours? In 9 years? No one can ever be sure.