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Bored? Update your Facebook to “in a relationship” with someone you’ve never met just to see if they’ll confirm.
Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs.
Sometimes, I`ll start a text with "lol" if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, "lol it`d be cool if you moved out."
Everyone has a right to their own opinion, no matter how wrong they are. And that`s why we have a problem.
Must you really ask why I have my selfie on top of my Christmas tree?
I`m "keeps a pair of underwear in the glove box because I don`t trust my farts anymore" years old.
I hate it when chicks wear pink camo. I`m like, "girl" where you hiding? Candyland?
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
I`m getting sick of seeing all these lyric status`s, it reminds me of somebody that I used to know.
The secret to success is in my bra.
The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.
Mom: Some scary old lady keeps FaceTiming me. Me: Mom, turn your camera around and she’ll go away.
my husband of 10 years still goes mad when I use his toothbrush, if anyone knows a better way to get dog poo off shoes, im all ears