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In alcohol`s defense, I`ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber were both answers on Jeopardy tonight. The end is near........
I sometimes ask myself, "What would Jesus do?", and then I think, Jesus wouldn`t be caught up in this sh*t.
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
I don`t like country music, but I don`t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means `put down`.
The number one reason why trick or treating is better than sex is, you can do the whole neighborhood.
is having one of those days where they feels like lighting someones face on fire and then trying to put it out with a fork
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
National no bra day wasn`t as successful as the creators had hoped. due to sagging attendants and lack of support.
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
Some tattoo artists need to just say, "no, I`m not doing this sh!t."
Babies dont have parents, they have staff.
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.
Tip of the day: Don`t be a douche!