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People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
If anyone every texts me "who is this" I always respond "Jake from State Farm"
It’s hard to get a lot done when you’re busy having a snack every 15 minutes
Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
Have you ever laughed so hard that no sound comes out and you sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal?
I can update Facebook from anywhere. Even when crossing the stre
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
My IQ? ... With google or without?
They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s.