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Nipples: Nature`s thermometer.
WARNING:: going to bed on Sunday will cause Monday.
I used to have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lived 150 miles away
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
I can`t believe I was late for work tomorrow..
The only thing worse than a male chauvinistic pig is a woman that won’t do as she is told
If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca`s third dog.
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
It`s always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing Domino`s."
FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.
I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave.
When asked how I take my coffee, I reply with, "Seriously. Very seriously."
I hate sneezing during sex, as it alerts the neighbours and lets them know I`m watching.
Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.