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Finger Prints on Super Bowl Trophy to be used in dozens of criminal investigations
When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that.
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
New kitchen game: `Fridge and Cupboard Tetris`- Putting the possibility of being pummeled by a food avalanche on a whole new level of adventure.
Take your age. Subtract 3. Then add 3. That is your age.
I`m certain that the reason for Wasps, Hornets, and Yellowjackets was to remind grown men that they can still scream like a little girl.
Hello...
It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.
I spent at least half an hour trying to get my girlfriends bra off. I will never try wearing that again.
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn`t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
My wife asked about my wildest sex fantasy, but she got pissed when I told her. I probably shouldn’t have started w/ “After your funeral...”
There are 364 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
It`s all fun and games...unless there`s cookies, then it`s serious
I`ll never need a shrink as long as my wife keeps pointing out whats wrong with me...