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I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
That awkward moment when your screen freezes on a really embarrassing website
If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it`s technically a cat
I think the tie was invented by someone who wanted to express how he felt about work but thought an actual noose was too obvious.
Sometimes I feel like giving up...Then I remember I have a lot of motherf*ckers to prove wrong
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
I love bacon because I can wrap it around everything. Essentially, it`s the duct tape of food.
I have no idea how I used to look for things in the dark before I had a cellphone.
The girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.. so I went out and got drunk.
Pay phones should be replaced with chargers for cell phones.
I`m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. Does anyone have any new mistakes I can borrow?
You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.