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Life is like chocolate...sometimes you gotta deal with nuts.
You call the shots. I`ll drink them.
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
Think of me as an idea. A really, really bad idea.
A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless that medicine is insulin.
I spend 90% of my time at the gym choosing the right song for my workout.
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
Sixth in line to the throne takes on a different meaning when you’re not in the royal family but in a dive bar.
I’m not a schizophrenic… At least, that’s what all the voices tell me.
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
Today I recently discovered how to make my p@nis 12"...I just fold that b!tch in half.
Kids today will never know the frustration of having to rewind their dads porn tapes to the exact same spot...
Does swimming in debt count as cardio?
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.