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What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
Today: I`m going to be understanding, productive, and nice. WHAT? Stop laughing! I`m serious!
Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.
I told my daughter we might be getting a blizzard and she asked for one with Reese`s pieces
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you`re signing a cast.
Why is it when you go to get your drivers license photo, they tell you to smile. Your not smiling when the police pull you over.
Mosquito landed on my friend`s face; easiest decision of my life.
I still water my dead plants every 3 months. Just in case...
I`m the type of person that would thrive in solitary confinement.
Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter each night.
I wonder how many identical twins are walking around now with the wrong names because their parents got them confused as infants and never figured it out.
Whenever I watch the TV show Friends, I imagine I`m the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him.
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
Few people have the balls to admit when they`re wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls.
I hope common sense is the next cool trend.