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Nothing like responsibility to ruin a perfectly good day.
Two Best Advices For Safe Life : 1. Always Speak The Truth, No Matter How Bitter Harsh It Is ... 2. Run Immediately After Saying It..
Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
If I had a mood ring on today, it`d be flashing like a disco ball!
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
There has to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction.
I was going to get married, but my wife refuses to sign the divorce papers
You know you`re poor when you sneak into Sam`s Club with some random family just to eat samples for lunch. Yay... Christmas
Give a man a fish and he`ll go to McDonald`s instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald`s
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
If running late counted as exercise I would be the healthiest motherf*cker you ever saw
What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?
That awkward moment when you can’t tell if it’s a Halloween costume or their regular clothes…