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We are so fortunate not to live in China, they have to hide their posts in cookies.
Babysitters are just teenagers who behave like adults so that adults can go out and behave like teenagers.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
Did you ever notice how a woman’s “I’ll be ready in 5min” and a guys “I’ll be home in 5min” are one and the same?
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
* feels winds of change * realizes it`s just a hole in my shorts
I think my credit card looks weird. Could you send me a picture of yours so I can compare?
Admit it. When you go to the zoo, the first thing you look at is the Camel`s foot.
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I`m watching how to make ice cream.
The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they´re going to be when you kill them.
If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.
You know it was a good sh!t when you come back and your screensaver is on.
Tonight I’m trying to get to that happy place right between don’t know my own name and head in the toilet.