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My nose is "running", that`s all the exercise I can handle for one day.......
I like to respond to statuses with .. WOW, Someone needs a Happy Meal.
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinkyhead that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
Half the lies they tell about me aren`t true
I generally don`t hang out with people who are missing digits on their feet. It`s not that I`m a jerk. I`m just lack-toes intolerant.
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven...does God hide behind the pearly gates and pretend he`s not in?
You can`t always control who walks in to your life but you can control which window to throw them out.
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
Not one back to school special on beer. What kind of world do we live in.
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
Kinda funny how the Mayans said we were all gonna die in 2012, but they all disappeared way before us.
*Goes to the gym. Takes a selfie in front of the weights. Leaves.
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers