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There is nothing sadder than waking and turning to see the love of your life`s face to find she has deflated in the night.
Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
Your boyfriend has long hair too. I sometimes have trouble figuring out who the girl is in the relationship.
Want the truth? Just ask a kid.
pudding... thats always a funny word
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
When you realize that your car matches the one in the Amber Alert.
To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for the reaction.
I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
I just kicked a can in my driveway and somehow ended up with a goal against Brazil.
When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can`t have both.
I`ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.
If you kept one of those jars where I`d have to put in a quarter every time I swore, you would be a billionaire by the end of the week.