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Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?……………………. (you smart people grinned didn’t you.)
I wish I could write `` I Miss You `` on a rock and throw it at your face, so you can know how much it HURTS to miss you
My pessimism has never failed me, but I`m sure someday it will.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy, if you put it in your stomach first.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
My best friend sent me a message saying,"Your stupid," I replied,"atleast I know the difference between you`re and your,"
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!
Who wants to go Smart Car Tipping?
My wife can suffer in silence louder than anyone I know.