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What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin? (asking for a friend)
My wife looks for signs I’m cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
I work out ... Just kidding, I take naps.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face...
Agreeing to disagree is lame. Let’s agree to take turns slapping each other until one of us admits we were wrong.
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they`d lock us up?
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
I see you’re playing stupid. Looks like you’re winning too.
You know what the trouble about real life is? There`s no danger music.
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.
Listen lady, if you stopped screaming maybe you would enjoy holding hands with me.
Only YOU, can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.