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I`m going to make a bucket list: Things I`m going to do before I kick the bucket. Number 1: WEAR SHOES!!!
You can`t fix STUPID, but you can Numb it with a 2x4.
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
It`s impossible to look like a bad ass while eating a snow cone.
I do 5 sit-ups every morning. No, it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can press the snooze button.
Iām giving up on the silent treatment. ...Going to start talking to myself again.
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
The last time I touched a breast, it was in a KFC bucket.
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
I can make your gf scream louder than you can. - Spider
Just once, I`d like to clock out from work by sliding down a dinosaur.
I`ve started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.
Who can really hear themselves thinking?
Life`s short ... Drink fast
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?