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Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
I don`t have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up.
Your secret is safe with me as long as it`s boring.
I knew I`d be a great parent. Kids aren`t nearly as difficult to take care of as my drunk friends.
When I`m bored, I dress up as Waldo, walk up to strangers (in a crowded airport), and say "psssst... if ANYBODY asks......YOU ain`t seen me... capiche?"
Redneck Term Of Thee Day-Wisdom: "Mah bruther had him some kidney stones, but he wisdom out!"
This day is going downhill faster than a wagon full of fat kids!
Whoever said “two wrongs don’t make a right” has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.
When women say “It’s not what’s on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts”, we all know they are talking about a Man’s wallets.
Whoever said "What goes around, comes around", never passed around a bag of Doritos......................
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?
Life is basically just a constant effort to not be disgusting.
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.