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Does the Food Network deliver?
That awkward moment, when you wake up with one sock on.
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
Never fight anyone who bows to you first.
Maybelline claims to make eyelashes appear three times longer…..I think they should start making condoms.
I hate when I forget my sunglasses and get caught staring at a woman`s boobs for 20 minutes.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
Why do people ask "What were you thinking?" Obviouly, I thought I was going to get away with it!
Anyone else think there should be a sarcasm font?
Don`t half a$$ it. It`s not a real nap unless you take your pants off.
Since my ear surgery I haven`t heard from my doctor. Not sure if that`s a good thing or not.
Car commercials make driving around in empty parking structures look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
I took a 5hr energy today. they`re right about being able to multitask because it made me puke and poop at the sametime..
My IQ? ... With google or without?