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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business.
Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
I don’t understand how people have to β€œget ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
I knew you were coming so I baked a cake ... It was delicious.
Life is full of disappointments, I`ll just add you to the list.
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
Life`s too short for Salad..............
I don`t have a drinking problem, you have a problem with my drinking. Big difference.
I`m hoping to avoid a situation where I have to dance to save my own life.
Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. Now I`m older, I like mine in the bottle
Hitting the lotto is a sure way to stop hating on Mondays...
When I get married I plan on introducing my spouse as my ex-fiancΓ© just to mess with people.
If you live up be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.