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A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
I`m all over that like a fat kid on a Smarty
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
Has anyone donated any money to ALS? All these ice bucket challenges I been seeing makes me think ... you all some cheap bastards
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
It really freaks me out that I have a skeleton living inside me......
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
Just got legitimately excited when I remembered I can pay a person to drive a pizza to my house
EVERY Friday is good in my book!
Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.
The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.
Me and my recliner...we go way back.
50 years ago you had to get really f*cking drunk to drop your phone in a urinal.
Apparently my "Please STFU" face bears a strong resemblance to my "Oh, Please Keep Talking" face.