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when she says "size doesn`t matter" what she really means is "I have been disappointed before." :)
You know you are old when your parties have glasses instead of red plastic cups.
These techno songs last longer than my first marriage
Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?
I once overdosed on Viagra. My wife took it really hard.
Dearest Neighbors, Please do not call the police, it`s not domestic violence or a wild party. It`s football season, that`s just me screaming at my TV.
My living room is pretty much a fat camp without rules.
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
My right thumb is in the best shape of my life.
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
A smart man washes his hands after he pees. A wise man doesn`t pee on his fingers.
The worst form of Alzheimer’s is when you walk out of the kitchen and forget to grab a beer.
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
My sex life is like a Ferrari ... I don`t have a Ferrari