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I’m gonna make this girl mine….. Right click, Save As….
ME: “We have a problem, the liquor store is closed.” HER: “That`s ok, I don’t drink.” ME: “Ok we have two problems.”
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
Just because they sell yoga pants in XXL doesn`t mean it`s ok to wear them in public.
"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille
From what I can gather, men hit their sexual peak around age 18. And women hit theirs as soon as the divorce is final.
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
I checked my calendar, and I won`t give a f*ck tomorrow either.
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending I’m being possessed by the devil is not funny.
In hell you`re always trying to spread butter that`s too cold.
Who decided that we should sit together in groups while we chew food?
was going to argue with you...but then I remembered I really didn`t care
Redneck WORD OF THE DAY: WATER My girlfriend gets mad and I don`t even know water problem is!