Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.
Just saw the book "Marriage for Dummies." ... Shouldn`t there be an "is" in there somewhere?
Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with “According to the prophecy.”
My neighbor was singing in the shower again this morning. I didn’t mind though as I can`t hear anything through the telescope.
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
I"m not saying that I am batman, i`m just saying no one has ever seen me and batman in a room together
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
Pro tip: “Hold my drink” is not a proper response to “License and registration, please.” … apparently.
It should be a rule that if you dress up like a red hair clown , you get a free happy meal at McDonalds .....I`ll pay this time , but I`m not happy ... !!
Don`t take nude pics. Problem solved.
You guys make me wanna be a better alcoholic!
Today has been approved by both my middle fingers.