Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Better pound all these beers so I can get the bottles in the bin for recycling day.
Everyone is gifted. But not everyone opens their present.
"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
If you think about it,, Batman was pretty lazy about naming all his stuff.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come into work.
Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your d!ck grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!
I`m not a mechanic so I don`t know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
Always believe a woman when she says, "you don`t really wanna know"
They don`t even serve apples at Applebee`s. Or bees.
50 years ago you had to get really f*cking drunk to drop your phone in a urinal.
Good thing I`m judged on my actions and not my thoughts.