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Life would be a lot easier if employers accepted excuses like “I’m sorry I can’t come into work today, I’m sleepy”
Facebook is like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there`s anything good in it
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something
Wouldn`t it be ironical to die in a living room?
I’m thinking of leaving my body to science. Even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
My therapist doesn`t believe in werewolves so I left my last session with more problems than when I arrived.
If you put Root Beer in a square glass do you get Beer?
If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer,, you`re going to jail.
I gave my wife my email address but she keeps on speaking directly to me.
I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.
I don’t have a bucket list, but my f*cket list is a mile long.
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.