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The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
Men, if a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
When one door closes, another one opens.... That`s when you realize that you`ve bought a really bad second hand car.
Why is it that when you work very hard, you say you are working like a dog? Every dog I`ve ever known is lazy and sleeps 16 hours a day.
If you win a years supply of calendars, you would only win 1 calendar.
This relationship is going to be weird if you keep pretending I`m not your boyfriend.
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
I`m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest any of you in despair and disappointment?
I can see your camouflage pants, so they`re not working.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one
I don`t know karate, but I do know crazy, and I`m not afraid to use it.