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If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it takes up a lot more hard drive space.
I went to the bank and said I`d like to open a joint account. They said "With who?" I said "Anyone who has a lot of money!"
I don’t like people who can’t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
sorry but your password must contain an "uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin"
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
Since it is the day to give thanks, I would like to say once again...you`re welcome.
So, which one of you is going to be the subject of your local news` annual turkey fryer accident story?
Is it bad when I’m talking to myself and I’m not even listening?
I guess I need to buy some new drink coasters because I finally ran out of AOL free trial CDs.
“Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks you’ve consumed.
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 8 times,......Your probably a woman.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
I like working from home. It`s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.