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Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children,,, old girlfriends tend to get offended.
The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
Falling in love is like watching a sexy person eat hot, crispy bacon and wanting to eat some, too. Marriage is like listening to them chew.
Just used the "f word" over on FB so I`m waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
I feel like the majority of Eminem`s songs are just him reading from his diary with angry background music.
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
I’m always impressed when I can stump auto-correct...
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone`s ok with that.
Someday, I`ll live in my OWN basement!
that akward moment when you finish doing your thing in the toilet and you realise there is no tissue
Whatever it is ... I didn´t do it!
FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
I`m surprised kids haven`t found a way to trick or treat online yet
Don`t forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring.