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It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
I saved my husband`s life insurance company 1 million dollars by switching to xanax.
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
My wife gives me sound advice. 99% sound. 1% advice.
Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
Accidentally took a women`s multi vitamin & I`ve been trying to get dressed for the past 3 hours, but everything is making me look fat.
If you`re camping and you have WiFi, you`re not camping.
There is a 100% chance that I’ve called some of the most wonderful people in the world the most horrible things imaginable while in traffic.
When you think about it, the little old man behind the curtain in Oz was the original catfish.
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
I was called a village idiot today which really upset me ... I live in a city.
I’ve realized I get ridiculously nervous driving behind semi’s or trucks carrying sh!t that could fall out and impale me all because of final destination 2.
Pringles should make their containers like a Push Up Pop.
Relationship Tip for men: When a woman says, "Correct me if I`m wrong but...."Don`t do it!! It`s a trap!! DO NOT, I repeat, do not correct that woman!!!