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If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
I have a feeling my check liver light will come on this weekend
It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
Everytime I find the key to happiness, somebody changes the lock.
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
Some people just lack the ability to realize that everyone in the room wants them to shut up.
Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That`s where I come in.
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
I`m not saying your cat doesn`t care about you, I`m saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well.
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
Underachieving Sunday through Wednesday, overachieving Thursday through Saturday.
I don`t know what your problem is, but I`ll bet it`s hard to pronounce.
If 3 people have sex, it`s called a 3-some. If 2 people have sex, it`s called a 2-some. I guess we now know why they call you HAND-some.
Sneezing when you pee is only recommended when you`re in a public toilet.
Why do people freak out about dolphins getting caugh in tuna nets? What about the tuna?