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Sometimes I`m completely inconsiderate to other peoples feelings. And other times I`m asleep.
That`s not chapstick in my front pocket.
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
What would I do if I won the lottery? Make Charlie Sheen look like an amateur.
There was a HUGE spider in the shower.. So I ran into the living room screaming naked.. Now my daughters` friends probably won`t be allowed over anymore..
The girl on the flyer is never at the club.
Legalizing same sex marriage. I thought all sex was the same after marriage.
I work so hard for my gta V character to have a better life
This hot fudge sundae hasn`t killed me so it must be making me stronger.
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
If you give up smoking, drinking, and sex, you don’t live longer, just seems longer.
When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call ... "America`s most wanted"
Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.
The inside of my fridge: evidence that I’m still not a real adult.
The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.