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Shouldn`t there have been at least one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
"I can`t wait to nail you later" *whispers to the new picture I just bought*
During the first two weeks of January, people often resolve to lose weight, which is great for me because the line at Golden Corral is much shorter.
A guy outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I told him, I feel like it would take longer than that
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
Must be lonely over there on "I`m offended by jokes" island.
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”
No, I don`t have tourette syndrome..I was just telling you what I think of you.
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
Good for you, people that do things.
I like to gaze up at the stars at night and think about how somewhere there is intelligent life that hates doing laundry as much as I do.
90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
We live in a time where "He is hot" is more important than "He is a nice guy."
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.