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You never know a person until you walk in their shoes, or until you check their browser history.
I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
I just bought Velcro shoes.... What a rip off!
I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it`s slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.
I thought I`d try yoga to make myself more flexible, but I`m still incredibly stubborn.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, nevermind, you will know who you are soon enough
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
I think I`ve finally found someone I could spend the rest of my life with, I should probably get out of her closet and introduce myself.
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
Here`s hoping the wind at your back doesn`t come from the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch. Happy St. Patrick`s Day!
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problem 99% demons.
I only get religious when scratching off lottery tickets.
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.