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I`ll never become mature enough to not laugh out loud when the person in the stall next to me farts so loud it sounds like a volcano just erupted.
If your camel toe looks like a elephants hoof, you might want to rethink the yoga pants.
Women`s magazines are so funny. 1: You`re beautiful and perfect just the way you are! 2: How to lose 20 pounds in 10 days.
This salad tastes like I`m about done with my New Year`s Resolution.
If you`re a girl and you drink Vodka... there`s a high probability, I love you.
Unless your kids fundraiser is selling whisley, I`m not really interested
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
Guys you should never overreact when you hear the words, " The babysitter is late."
I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn`t. So I gave it mouth to mouth.
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
Me on New Years Eve: “I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.”
The only rule of the Chess Club is to hide from the Fight Club.
Champagne says I`m classy. Vodka says I can do anything I want. My therapist says I have to stop talking to my drinks.
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!
Skinny people are bitches. Probably because they`re hungry.