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Welcome to journalism, where everything is made up, and the sources don`t matter.
Long story short, I love summaries.
Amazon’s recommendations are like that friend who heard you say “ninja” once and then got you ninja stuff for your birthday every year for twenty years
Drinking coffee in the afternoon is like eating the mushroom that makes you big in Super Mario.
I`m confused as to whether I`m supposed to leap or hump today.
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That sh!t’s dangerous.
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
If looks could kill, mirrors would be the leading cause of death among ugly people
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
Researchers claim that the Internet is making us dumber and more impatient. I don`t get it. Moving on.
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
There’s a police helicopter above my house right now, so I’m cashing in and calling everyone who has ever said “when pigs fly.”
How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
You call it reckless driving, I call it searching for my lighter.