Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Having a contest with my couch and my washing machine to see who has more money. So far I`m in 3rd.
I do all of my ironing in the dryer.
If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
Rum balls, rum cake, rum spiked eggnog, rum in fruitcakes...you know, anymore, there`s more of the Captain than of Christ in Christmas...
Liquor makes me happy, You ..... not so much.
It`s weird how after they couldn`t put Humpty Dumpty back together the King`s men were like "Let`s give the horses a shot at it"
I’m not a biologist but I’m pretty sure the difference between a moth and a butterfly is that a moth is really ugly.
Roasting marshmallows is great because it combines dessert and playing with fire.
All the good ones are either taken or imaginary.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine
I saw a spider in my bathtub. So I took a tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down.
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
Karma may "work" but I think that bitch takes a lot of days off
Thanks to the words “dude”, “bro”, and “man”, I haven’t said my best friends name in 10 years.