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I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.
OK. Who decided to call it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?
Why is it that everyone you hate has such a better job than you?
Times change When I was a kid, werewolves and vampires were very scary. Now everyone wants to have sex with them
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
Hmmmm, thats odd. . . .According to this height / weight chart. . . . I`m too short.
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they’re fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.
Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
Marriage...betting someone half your stuff you`ll love them forever.
Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.
Got kicked out of the casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.
So today my gym was crowded...at least I think it was a gym...Do gyms usually have drive thrus?