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I would like to wish all of the groundhogs a very safe and happy Groundhogs Day.
I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath.
I just shaved my legs. I think I lost three pounds.
I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
I kind of feel like getting some work done today, so Iām just going to sit here until that feeling passes.
Just belted the dog in the drivers seat and pushed the car up to the drive-thru window
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
I`m pretty sure there`s a chip in my car that turns all traffic lights RED...
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
Fun Fact: You can win all arguments with your man by putting on yoga pants and walking away.
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
The feeling you get when a woman asks you to guess her age is like wondering whether to cut the blue wire or the green wire when defusing a bomb.